Recognizing Grooming and Online Predators

Grooming is when an adult deliberately builds trust with a child online in order to sexually exploit or abuse them, either online or in person. It happens gradually and is designed to look, to the child, like a normal friendship, which is exactly what makes it hard to spot from the outside.

How grooming typically unfolds

1. Targeting and befriending. Contact often starts in games, chat apps, or social media, sometimes through a fake profile claiming to be a similar age. The adult is friendly, attentive, and seems genuinely interested in the child's life.
2. Building trust and secrecy. Over time, the adult positions themselves as a confidant, someone who "understands" the child better than their parents, and who encourages keeping the friendship secret from adults ("they wouldn't understand," "they'd only get mad").
3. Testing boundaries. Conversations gradually become more personal, then more sexual, often gradually enough that the child doesn't clearly notice the shift, or feels too uncomfortable to say so.
4. Gifts, compliments, or special attention. Airtime, game credits, or exaggerated praise are used to create a feeling of being special or cared for, and to build a sense of obligation.
5. Isolation and control. The adult may discourage other friendships, become jealous or demanding, or use guilt to keep the child engaged and compliant.
6. Escalation and threats. Requests may move toward photos, video calls, or meeting in person. If a child resists or wants to stop, threats are common, including threatening to share previous messages or images ("sextortion") to force continued compliance.

Warning signs for parents

• A new online "friend" the child is secretive or defensive about, or refuses to discuss.
• Gifts, airtime, or money appearing with no clear source.
• A sudden change in mood, withdrawal, or secrecy around device use.
• The child minimizing device screens or switching apps quickly when you approach.
• An adult "friend" who seems to know an unusual amount about the child's routine, school, or family.

What to teach your child

• Anyone who asks you to keep a friendship secret from your parents is a warning sign, no matter how nice they seem.
• A real friend your own age doesn't ask you to send photos, meet alone, or keep secrets that make you uncomfortable.
• You are never in trouble for telling a trusted adult, even if you feel you "should have known better" or already shared something you regret. The person exploiting this is always the one at fault, not the child.
• It's okay to block, mute, or stop responding to anyone online who makes you feel confused, pressured, or uneasy. You don't owe anyone a reason.

If you suspect grooming is happening

1. Stay calm when talking to your child. A panicked or angry reaction can make a child shut down or hide further contact instead of coming to you.
2. Do not delete messages, images, or accounts. Preserve them as evidence, even if they're distressing to look at.
3. Report the account to the platform it occurred on, and block further contact.
4. Report to the Uganda Police Cyber Crime Unit. Grooming and sextortion are criminal matters, not just a parenting or technology problem.
5. Seek support for your child from a trusted counselor or child protection service; the experience can be traumatic even where no in-person contact occurred.

See also Setting Up Parental Controls and Privacy.